complaining vs. creating

I am in a moment where I feel like I have every right to complain -- I feel like I have the right to complain that my life is not where I planned it to be when I was 25 -- I want to complain that I feel lonely and how I am angry that I am single, have no kids and still live at home -- I want to complain about my jealous insecurities that leave me feeling unimportant, un-needed and forgotten -- I want to complain about those moments when I feel unloved.

I want to complain about all these things... and I did as I sat in my car tonight in a parking lot. complaining... after just giving a word about how the number one killer of creativity is complaining... (relevant article) and before I got in my car a friend just totally called me on it and I just complained more and gave excuses on how I don't want to be creative tonight... and I sat in my car just spewing negative thoughts about myself and complaining about anything I could think of.  So I started the car - plugged in my ipod and pushed play.

This is what came on...

You left your perfection

And embraced our rejection

How marvelous, how boundless

Is Your love, is Your love

How wonderful, sacrificial 

Is Your love for me

Your put on our chains 

Sent us out through the open door

How wonderful

You took our sadness

Crowned us with joy and real peace

How wonderful

JESUS LOVES ME :)

So after listening to this song a few times in my very hot car I decided to take back my night.  I am a pretty good complainer but wow when I just sat for a moment and looked at Jesus and just felt His love.  Like really how marvelous! 

This is love

You gave Yourself

What is love - it is Jesus on a cross.  Love is not a feeling I seek out in others.  Love is not only achieved in a marriage.  Love is Jesus.  Love is sitting in my car alone singing yes, Jesus loves me.  Love is looking at Jesus the bridegroom when I am trying to fight for my victory and knowing He is looking only at me.

So instead of sadness I feel joy and love and peace. 

I feel loved by Jesus.

I feel like it's ok that this is how my life looks - I love my life - I love that I am blessed to be doing what I love :)

I feel like I am at a place where I cannot afford to have thoughts in my head about myself that are not Jesus' thoughts.

I feel victorious that I conquered fears tonight!

It has been over a year since I have rocked out on this blog - the absence has been partly because I feel life just got too busy, but also its been because I felt I set goal for myself I couldn't live up to and even looking at this blog made me feel sad for myself - but I am claiming this back :)

remember to choose creativity - complaining never really is fun :)

blessings and smiles

ashleigh