complaining vs. creating

I am in a moment where I feel like I have every right to complain -- I feel like I have the right to complain that my life is not where I planned it to be when I was 25 -- I want to complain that I feel lonely and how I am angry that I am single, have no kids and still live at home -- I want to complain about my jealous insecurities that leave me feeling unimportant, un-needed and forgotten -- I want to complain about those moments when I feel unloved.

I want to complain about all these things... and I did as I sat in my car tonight in a parking lot. complaining... after just giving a word about how the number one killer of creativity is complaining... (relevant article) and before I got in my car a friend just totally called me on it and I just complained more and gave excuses on how I don't want to be creative tonight... and I sat in my car just spewing negative thoughts about myself and complaining about anything I could think of.  So I started the car - plugged in my ipod and pushed play.

This is what came on...

You left your perfection

And embraced our rejection

How marvelous, how boundless

Is Your love, is Your love

How wonderful, sacrificial 

Is Your love for me

Your put on our chains 

Sent us out through the open door

How wonderful

You took our sadness

Crowned us with joy and real peace

How wonderful

JESUS LOVES ME :)

So after listening to this song a few times in my very hot car I decided to take back my night.  I am a pretty good complainer but wow when I just sat for a moment and looked at Jesus and just felt His love.  Like really how marvelous! 

This is love

You gave Yourself

What is love - it is Jesus on a cross.  Love is not a feeling I seek out in others.  Love is not only achieved in a marriage.  Love is Jesus.  Love is sitting in my car alone singing yes, Jesus loves me.  Love is looking at Jesus the bridegroom when I am trying to fight for my victory and knowing He is looking only at me.

So instead of sadness I feel joy and love and peace. 

I feel loved by Jesus.

I feel like it's ok that this is how my life looks - I love my life - I love that I am blessed to be doing what I love :)

I feel like I am at a place where I cannot afford to have thoughts in my head about myself that are not Jesus' thoughts.

I feel victorious that I conquered fears tonight!

It has been over a year since I have rocked out on this blog - the absence has been partly because I feel life just got too busy, but also its been because I felt I set goal for myself I couldn't live up to and even looking at this blog made me feel sad for myself - but I am claiming this back :)

remember to choose creativity - complaining never really is fun :)

blessings and smiles

ashleigh

on my heart...

hey guys - its been a while since i've posted last - its been a crazy time these last few weeks!

I felt challenged to pay a bit more attention to lent this year - and giving up hot chocolate may not be a huge sacrifice but for me its basically the same as a coffee addiction! and i wanted to choose something totally attainable and at the end feel like it was an offering. I totally feel the need to have it every morning has gone - I actually forgot my mug in the car this morning and forgot to bring it into work!

Also for the six weeks I wanted to explore a little more about what sacrifice means - when we sacrifice  we are giving up something valued for something else more worthy - and i was really challenged to find what I valued as worthy.

I started with changing around my personal space so basically at some point in my day I would be able to focus more about what I am passionate about and would help me re focus my mind towards Jesus.

I covered my car with truths, promises and encouraging words! At first I was soo nervous about this because well bright yellow post it notes posted all over the dash would kinda draw attention and for awhile I felt like no one really noticed! Then all of a sudden almost everywhere I was parked someone would be reading them while i was trying to get into my car - but after one or two I didn't feel so self conscious any more - it was actually kinda exciting!

I wanted to see this verse every morning Romans 12:1-2 -- and to be challenged for each day to be a sacrifice

"take your everyday ordinary life - your sleeping, eating, going-to-work and walking-around life and place it before God as an offering" and i totally felt like wow - i don't think i've ever read this before - He wants my life - he wants all of my nothing extremely important life given to him as an offering

the verses later go on to say this "Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him." 

- this just simplified making God happy soo much 

- embracing what he does for us makes him happy!

"don't become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God.  You will be changed from the inside out."

- this sometimes is really hard for me 

-so with all these reminders set everywhere for me I did find it was much easier to keep my attention on God and I've decided to keep them up for as long as I feel I need to have such extreme reminders in my life - to see my life align with Jesus and not my world

and this kinda became my prayer mirror - while getting ready each morning it was easy to pray because everything was just right in front me!

It was actually really fun to creatively bring more of Jesus into my life! 

--ashleigh

on my heart

Tonight is going to go down as one of those days I want to remember for my whole life.  I just was able to experience such an amazing and intimate time with Jesus - it really has just left me so filled with joy and love and faith and awe of how great He is.  I want to remember this feeling of how real He is!

To the one who sits upon the throne be blessing and honor and glory and power forever! Jesus you're sign, Jesus you're the wonder! You're the miracle there is no other!

thank you Jesus that you are fun and creative and so faithful!  

on my heart...

Take a few minutes and just soak this in -- you are BEAUTIFUL!!

A friend posted this the other day and i have come back to it and watched it about twice each day for the last 3 days.   It has totally encouraged me - He called me beautiful!!  

Do you think I’m

BEAUTIFUL?

Does anybody think I’m

BEAUTIFUL?

I do.

I do proclaims the voice that spoke the skies

And He says let me dry your eyes

I have heard your cries,

I only wish you had heard mine.

Galaxies and shooting stars

I set spinning so you would know the beating of my heart

I painted rainbows and roses so that you would know that you are a work of art.

I gave you strong winds and rushing rivers,

So would know you are my strong Sons of Thunder

I gave you the sunrise and moonlight

To let you know how precious you are in My sight.

I sent my Son to live and die and rise for you

So that you would know

I love you

And I think you are

BEAUTIFUL

I have been struggling with a few things this past month or so and the subject of beauty and struggling with self worth and just feeling completely undone by the question -- am I beautiful?

all I could think of was that beauty was tied to love - and love was for the pretty and beautiful and since i had neither what was I worth? 

So i challenged Jesus - the word says you are ravished by the sight of one glance from my eyes - so i looked up to him and asked what am I worth to you - and truth came back into my life.

I saw the Jesus on the cross and he said you are beautiful!

-He loves me - He who knows me more than anyone else said I was worth it - says I am His and I am precious!!! Take in this truth!!

It is so easy to get lost in the world's way of thinking.  To get disconnected to the point where you look at life through the prospective of the world but jesus just says YOU SHALL LOVE ME - forget what the world says YOU SHALL LOVE ME!

His Son’s scars was the call
And this is His children’s response
With hands in the air
With voices together that drown out the enemies lies

I am
BEAUTIFUL
I am
BEAUTIFUL
I am
Washed in the blood of the lamb
Washed away the soot and sin so you and I can
Clearly see that

I am A new creation
A new sensation
I am a floodgate of heaven,
Made to reveal heart of God to the heart of Man
Showing brothers and sisters what they are so they can
Join in our war cry shouting

I AM YOURS LORD

--mike young

So if you are struggling with this - let the truth soak in! let it change you - shout out "i am beautiful" and let jesus make it so real to you.  Ask him to tell you all the things he loves about you - how he made you perfect.

on my heart...

Ah today has just been one of those days where I got nothing done but did so much!!  Most of my day has been spent cleaning, finishing up some projects and listening to music.

One song in particular I totally just put on repeat check it out  here -download it!!

Make us ready

Let there be oil in my lamp, let the fire not go out,

When I hear the bridegroom comes

Let there be oil in my lamp

Make us ready

So take my lamp and set it on a hill

Set it on a lampstand 

And I won't be hidden

I'll be dripping with the oils of love

The song is so simple yet spoke to me so much and sent me into a time of just seeking God.  It also confirmed to me the importance of oil - how I would love to stand in front of the bridegroom  dripping with the oils of love!  And the quickening in my heart of the need to be ready, to have my lamp burning when the bridegroom comes.

Also it challenged me - I know my lamp is nestled closely among many other lamps, pleasantly hidden.  The idea of asking Jesus to take my lamp (my ministries, gifts, and just fire for him) and set it on a hill - and it caused me to ask what does this look like in my life?  Where is my hill?  How do I get to this place to be ready?

It got me to thinking about dreams and desires - how he knows the desires of our hearts and sometimes its so scary to actually think that he wants to give us the things we want, but really they are what he wants for us!  When we are saying yes to him through our path - we are getting the oil!

What is your ultimate dream in life? God places desires in our heart for a reason! He wants us to be at the center of his will, pursuing the passions that he has placed in our heart

whats on my heart...

Behold the bridegroom cometh! Behold the bridegroom cometh! this has just been going through my head all day long, I could just sing it over and over and over again!

because i put myself in a parable, at the midnight hour will my lamp be full, with precious oil and a heart alive, will I be ready waiting for that cry - behold the bridegroom cometh!!

Just finished listening to a message by julie meyer --

When Deborah started her journey, she had a tree and the grumbling, complaining children of Israel. When Deborah finished her journey, she had oil and she arose to save a Nation.. When Moses started his journey he had a stick and a stutter.When he ended it- he had oil & spoke to God face to face as a man speaks to a friend.

I don't think I had ever heard or at least rememberd a message preached on the need of oil. How important it is to just say "yes God - I'm yours God - teach me your voice" How all the little yes's in our life just gives us so much oil. Getting to know the one who loves you, trusts you and fills every part of you is where the oil comes from - and what good is a lamp without the oil.

He gave each of us a journey, each of us a lamp. The greatest thing we can do is just say yes to the things he puts infront of us and not to long for someones elses journey. Don't be fooled by someones lamp - its about what's on the inside. Its about the light we give off and not how pretty our lamp is - the difference of being wise and being foolish.

I want to be ready in the midnight hour - i want the oil. Behold the Bridegroom cometh!!!

Matthew 25:1-13

1 “At that time the kingdom of heaven will be like ten virgins who took their lamps and went out to meet the bridegroom. 2 Five of them were foolish and five were wise. 3 The foolish ones took their lamps but did not take any oil with them. 4 The wise, however, took oil in jars along with their lamps. 5 The bridegroom was a long time in coming, and they all became drowsy and fell asleep.

6 “At midnight the cry rang out: ‘Here’s the bridegroom! Come out to meet him!’

7 “Then all the virgins woke up and trimmed their lamps. 8 The foolish ones said to the wise, ‘Give us some of your oil; our lamps are going out.’

9 “‘No,’ they replied, ‘there may not be enough for both us and you. Instead, go to those who sell oil and buy some for yourselves.’

10 “But while they were on their way to buy the oil, the bridegroom arrived. The virgins who were ready went in with him to the wedding banquet. And the door was shut.

11 “Later the others also came. ‘Sir! Sir!’ they said. ‘Open the door for us!’

12 “But he replied, ‘Truly I tell you, I don’t know you.’

13 “Therefore keep watch, because you do not know the day or the hour.

-- how much oil do you have??